Let me compose sentences providing both meaning and pleasure.
Guide me towards clarity, simplicity and truthfulness, And away from the seductive path of waffle, and the words whereof the weasel availeth himself.
Teach me to care about punctuation without sharing every last misplaced apostrophe on Twitter. For as we should remember, Oh Word, it really doth not matter that much.
Should I fall in love with “creativity”, remind me that I am a tradesman not an artist; and that my bills, or those of my clients – if I am blessed with them – be not paid with the debased currency of appreciative smiles but in cold, hard cash.
Let me remember always that verbs should agree with their subjects, yet also that a sentence may venture forth devoid of a verb if its meaning be clear in context. We shall call this a sentence fragment.
Though a client, internal or external, may ask vexing questions, or ask me to “make it pop”, yea shall I remain calm and understanding, making no noise of protest but the faint grinding of my teeth.
(I shall not post their comments – or my reaction – on social media, as this is the way of hubris and possibly losing that client or my job.)
And I shall begin my sentence with a conjunction if I deem it meet.
Yet shall I change it for a more pleasing beginning should my client remember something about what they were taught at school, or something.
In the struggle to attain page one on Google, let me always write for my reader first, and let the search engine spiders not distract me from my true purpose:
Which is to shift merchandise, sell services and engage customers with my brand, though they do constantly demean my efforts with the base terms, “junk mail”, “spam” and “stupid adverts”.
And finally, Dear Word, let me not be seduced by the false glitter of the exclamation mark; let me avoid describing my client’s new product as “exciting”; and let me not address my reader, “As a valued client”.
Amen. And Awomen, as my client is big on diversity and inclusion.